We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize
