dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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