i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
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apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?