my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making