Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.