Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
