This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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