Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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