So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
