we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
