I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
