at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
