I heard we made out
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
