It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
