my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I woke up under a house in Key West
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
