I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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