so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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