U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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