I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
