I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
