We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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