The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
