there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
