my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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