She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
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I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
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Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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