when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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