my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
