You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I will die if light touches me.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
