They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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