I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
