Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
