My nipple is on Facebook.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
