Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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