it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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