I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
