Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
