Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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