i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
