the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
