Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
