I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
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I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
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ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
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