He is an equal opportunity slut.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
