things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
it's great music for shaving your balls
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
