I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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