I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
