when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
