the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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