She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
