he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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