Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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