Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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