Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
