he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
she woke up with a sticky ear
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
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I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
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Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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