I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize