I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
