Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
