I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize