I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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