I hate your face
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
